Dead end.. Oh WTF, another one?!?!

Ahh.. Finally I'm back.. Merry Christmas everyone.. and a Happy New Year
(that doesn't include me,though)

Aww man, all this stuffs really drive me crazy and making me a fool (again) and worst, it happen to be the day before the New Year!!

Seriously, why can't I just have a peaceful life?!?!

Talking shit man, I'm useless.. I must be condemned for my whole life.. A monster.. Yeah.. Maybe..

I keep telling to myself to never have regrets and to live your life to the fullest, but it seems that, I am meant to live with this regrets.. No matter how, no matter what are the reasons.. With this regrets I proceed my life.. I tried to throw and forget all of them but it seems it's too heavy I got carried too and fall behind.. I'm falling back to my past..

The terrible past.. My regrets.. They're surrounding me.. I can't hold it.. My fearness took control of my whole body and everything turns... dark ....

I can't see it again.. Damn, fearness.. Can't fight them.. I can't attack my own self..

"You coward.. How can you let it get away??" the voice beyond the darkness speak to me.. It was "D"

"You know you want to get away from your regrets and burdens.. Everything that ruined your life.."- It hissed, full of anger - "WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY?!?" The creeping shadows emerges and surrounded the cloacked D The shadows protected D

"Run away will means nothing in your life.. You'll turn around against your loves one and never return again.. It's meaningless.." D said the last words with sadness..

I tried to think about it but I've found nothing.. The puzzles are almost clear.. The way to put it back to one piece will make it the first hardest after finding all of the puzzles..

I think I need some lessons from D.. D knows everything.. I wish D has its real body so I can talk and ask for advice any time..

"Wish it to turn around, and it shall be granted.. For a price.." D said it, eagerly and a little bit hesitating..

And I said, "Give it a chance.. What's the price??"

"Turn around and face your past.. Break through and survive.."

Hari-hari dimana gw ...... boker.. (lho?!? Berhalusinasi kli!!)

Tpt sperti judulny (bkn yg boker tpi yg satu lgi).. Yh pokokny gila bgt dh tu halusinasi

G mw panjang lebar lh kli ni!!!

Jdi, wktu tdi di skul kn ada festival gamelan.. Nah, lg brg Depapepe & friends kn.. Trus, g tw lh mata gw g bner ato kga sh, gw ngeliat sesosok manusia (y iylh, msa monyet?!).. Tingginy se Depapepe trus rmbutny di iket ats n bwh gerai, pke kaos item, clana jeans slutut n bwa tas yg agak gde gtu..

Nah, ad yg bs tebak g it mirip siapa?? 1.. 2.. 3.. Gmpng bgt!! Mirip VINA!! B M W (Brigitta Melvina Winata)

Gila, nh halusinasi ato beneran?? Setau gw sh dy lgi d PS.. Argeh, jdi bingung X[ Trus gw ama Depapepe mencar bwt nyari nh cwe tpi hasilny nihil..

Trus lg, ad org yg mirip bgt ama ....... (nama d sensor) cwe gtu, pke kacamata, rambut di gerai n.. Mirip bgt lh!!

Lalu, si Ica jg.. Dy ngeliat ad org pke kemeja putih, clana putih, rmbut pendek, g tw cwe p cowo, trus msuk suatu ruangan tpi g tw ruangan ap.. Aneh lh..

Karna gw rasa nh halusinasi menjadi-jadi, gw minta Depapepe bwt anterin gw plg dah.. Gla, tw-tw nnti halusinasi gw jdi .... g lh..

-End of story-

Ajib bener dah ni hari.. ckck

Ckck.. Bener-bener dah.. Parah parah.. Argeh, gila lh pokokny.. Najong bnr nh hri..

Tw ga (kaga), futsal putri yh klas kt (7a) .....

KALAH!! BNAR!! KALAH SODARA2!!!

WUUUUUUU~~

Argh, gla lh.. Kalah telak.. AIB!!!
Skorny (jeng-jeng), 6-0 ingat OOOOO bulet!!

Hwhw, pgn ngakak nh.. Gla lh.. Ad nh daftar kekalahan anak 7a:

*Basket Putri - kalah
*Basket Putra - Kalah
*Futsal Putri - Kalah (telak)
*Badminton putri - kalah

Sisany yaitu Futsal Putra (pastiny kt menang donk.. GYAHAHAHAHA!!) n Badminton Putra (Ayo, Paha, bantai th smuany, MWAHAHAHA!!), kt hrus menang..

Gla, martabat klas man.. Ajib bner lah..

Yg plg parah adlh...... 'Menghias Kelas'

Ya, tepat sodara2, kt, sma skali blm menyentuh (pegang aj sh jg bs) soft board, papan tulis n pintu kelas kt dgn beragam seni.. Seni, kucrut lo..

Yh bgtulah.. Ancur2

Classmeeting is the most A(J)IB thing?!?

That is a true fact and really sucks...

Seriously, I/We don't know the schedule and trying to find one, you gotta search the whole school and ask almost everybody (you know)..

Hwhw, well it's not that bad either.. Relaxing is good especially when you can sleep in class ^^.
I don't mind doing sports too but sometimes I get sick of it and leave the game..

Yeah, I know, I sucks at sports but that's fine with me.. Hey, at least I'm having fun right?? And that's none of your business right?? Or do you want to butt in into my life that I've just told you about never to set foot in my life just for your personal gain?? Enough, guys.. You sucks and seriously, you really do..

Aww, whatever now.. Like I said before, I'm not going to start a mess now with the kind of you..
And that's end here.. A lot shorter than before

Gossip girls + Gossip acts = Hell

Yeah, that's damn right...

I know what you gonna do and that is not okay with me!!

Well, truthfully, I don't want to find any troubles again with teachers especially "those" teachers, but if you dare to set foot on my life just for your own personal gain, you're going down, kid!! No lie, my fist will fly and smash your face if you dare..

There's a reason for me to stand against you so I have no need to worry.. I cannot bear to see one of my kind (girls) are hurt but this.. I do not know you so I care not even a word about you..

You'll die, then die fast..

You'll live, then live hard..

It's your kind of girls which ruined my life and I'm not turning back anymore!! You deserve to be the same, too!!

This is some proof for the kind of you:

and this,

and this is why I want to smash your damn face,

oh but wait, sometimes I thank you guys for this,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Find the rest on your own.. You guys really should avoid the bullshits, ya know..

The easiest way to say this is:

That's the gist of it..

The Unwanted Path

Do you know how hard life could be?? Like the hourglass turning up side down and everything will hit the rock bottom?? It is an experience of life I wanted to forget..

I want to wait until someone turning it around again, but not like this..
I pretend to be someone I should be is not a wise choice and making me feel normal will only do me pain even more..

Like my last post, "Why can't I break free from this chain of fate??"

It's hard.. Hard to be someone I used to be. Nothing supports me.. What if 'this' will happen for the longest time ever??

I can't think clear.. My mind is blur.. My head feels like being dodge around.. I can hardly breathe.. I barely made it out.. My chest feels like being stumped and it keeps pushing me..

"When you can't think clear, she'll come and that is unwanted.. But when you try to think clear, you'll remember everything about it and let your tears fall to your cheeks.."

Those words will keep telling me everything and I just can't stop it.. How can I stop myself from warning me?? It make me want to scream and just fall from the highest heights of the world you can think of..

When I fall, it feels like it's neverending.. Like it is an endless heights.. I can see nothing but the dark.. Even if it's an abyss, I may not know cos tis' so dark..

What fate awaits me in the future.. Will I fall into the endless abyss or will I fall into a deep love of my dreams?? No, not deep love but maybe my 'Heaven'..

There's this song I found and it's quite a story.. From the lyrics which are Latinized down here.. Well, it's a good song.. Paramore - Decode ost. Twilight

How can I decide what's right??
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time..

It's true and well.. It can drives me crazy and at the same time.. sad

How can I ever own what's mine??
When you're always taking sides
But you wont take away my pride
No not this time.. Not this time

Yeah.. True enough.. Makes me confuse and hard to choose..

How did we get here?
I used to know you so well..
But how did we get here?
I think I know..

I wonder why.. It happens all of the sudden and I think I know what's going on but I just can't tell about it..

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can't see..

I know there's something you just can't tell by describing it and sometimes, I get a little bit impatient.. And hiding it.. I know everything now..

What kind of man that you are?
If you're a man at all
Well I will figure this one out
On my own.. On my own

I know the type.. But you have more.. So it's worth finding out now..

I'm screaming I love you so
My thoughts you can't decode..

Even if I tell, will you understand what I'm trying to say?? Will you turn around and look at me?

How did we get here?
I used to know you so well
But how did we get here?
I think I know..

The only thing that made me think a thousand times, " Why're you hiding it??"

Do you see..
What we've done??
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves..

Should it be, "Do you see, what you've done??"

Do you see..
What we've done??
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves..

Can't you see it?? Everything?? This?

How did we get here??
I used to love you so.. yeah
How did we get here??
I used to love you so..

Why?? That's my only question now.. The simplest question is sometimes the hardest to answered..

I think I know..
I think I know..
There is something I see in you
It might kill me,
I want it to be true..

It's just my guessing but, it's true right??

---------------------------------------------------

The song ends here.. So Latinized words from here is not the lyrics..

The "Angel and The "Fallen" one

-Prologue-

I could never know.. I'm going to feel like this again.. I wish to erase this past and just stay the same.. But do I have the power to gain everything back?? Will I??

Hear.. The sky is crying and so do I..
See.. The water is dropping just like my tears fall to the ground..
Feel.. This girl's hurted heart and mine was worst..
Scent.. The death and decay of that body just like my heart..

Watch.. And you'll see I'm falling..
Learn.. and you'll know my whole pain and sorrowness..
Help.. My throat was being cut and I can speak no more..

The "Angel" is gone.. The "Fallen" one cannot survive..

The melody is sounding up through the night.. Along the cold of winter and the cold of this..

The "Fallen" can watch the sky no more.. She was back into her old shell.. Her old despair and misery where everything is darker than ever.. She couldn't see..

She cried but no one could see..
She cried but no one could hear..
She cried and screamed and all, still no one come to her..
'Is it bcos I am the "Fallen" one, no one would care about me??', she asked herself..

Even if she asked.. No one will answer.. Even herself can't answer..
She can't look into the sky to hope bcos the sky is clouding and no light, even the tiniest light, can help..

"I'm chained with this 'fate'.. Why can't I break free?? Why can't I loved and being loved?? Why.. How, this pain never stops.. It's devouring my soul.. no, my heart first then the soul.. My body will be the last on earth and that's the end.."

A..An..Anj..Anji..Anjin...ANJING!!! (Dog)

Keterangan:
*Indo version
**English version
-----------------------

*ANJING!!! (baca: DOG!!!)

Sperti judulny.. Meyakinkan skali bhwa gw 'is in a big (small) problem'... Wew, pkokny gla bgt..

Informasi lbh lnjut, hubungi dokter (g lh): Go to Grego's. Find the rest on your own, dumbass..

**ARGH!! Dammit! All this fun-suckers-stuff really freaking me out!! You might not know the whole story but still... 'Oh holy shit'.. And I'm not singing 'Oh Holy Night'..

See?? (no) All this damned-stuff has driven me crazy by any chances..

Man.. Gotta put everything back straight again now.. Phew, work, work, work... (try to relax -.-')

MOTHER!! ( shocked *0*")The exam!! Weqs, I've been thinking of ordering a room in Bogor's Hospital for Crazy (Rumah Sakit Jiwa Bogor.. bahasany GJ. Maap tmn).. Maybe there, nobody would cares if I'm going crazy (It is the House for the kind of it, idiot!)..

Ah whatever.. I'm going to be focused now so I'll be having a hard time rearranging my time.. Dude, time is the numbers that cannot be used for a simple mistakes.. It's unchangeable.. Must be very careful of what you do.. If you take the wrong way, be sure to make it straight for the future..

Wish you all luck!! You and Me!!

Ja Ne

Darkest X.x.X