i'm no good girl

yeah sprti judul d atas, gw g bs d blg orang yg bener2 g baek..
pengen gtu yah jadi anak baek, trus bnyk tmn, yah pemalu, yah yg simple!
yang normal! g kyk gw!

yah gmn soalny tuh gini:

everytime you want to help someone, you ruin it and they dislike you or else cos most people do, believe it.
i want to be trustworthy, yet people thinks i'm not good enough.they always want more from me and i'll just end up suffering in my own despair.
when they need me, i'll be there and ready to help, but they think i'm just getting in their way or something.

and all the bad things, that's my life.

once i ever lose everything in my life and the next i did was the intention to kill myself.but God still loves me for who i am, and here i am, a stronger, better person.i don't know how people thinks of me but here's what i think, they think of me:
ingrate, loudmouth, unworthy, stupid, arrogant, maniac, lazy,kepo, geek, nerd and many other things.

i'm just being honest, maybe you're right! I AM THAT KIND OF PERSON!

I AM NOT A GOOD GIRL AS YOU MAY THINK! just becos i help them doesn't always count as something good right? what if i help them to do something bad and i didn't know about it and it the end i was accused wrongly?

it happens.it did.

and when there're many things i want and when i fight for it, i lost it and i give up easily.i suck at many things.i'm a loner, i was called emo but that ain't me.i never hated the world, i just hate the way it moves at me.

but then again, i never lose hope.not once ever more.even if in the end i must lost, then so be it. i will try as much to gain something and to give everything with all of me.i want to be accepted by others and i must accept myself.
commiting to others and also commited to oneself. i am as much as loser but i won't let that name hangs for the rest of my life.

i'm just me.

i think of the world this way:

'you and i live in two different worlds.maybe you live in the fantasy where most of your dream came true.me?i lived in the world called reality, where good things never happen to me and that's why, i have to fight for it, by myself if i must.'

and here i am, nothing but a human.human perhaps with the soul of warrior.perhaps.
i always takes demon as my name but the real me?
anybody's guess...